Here are two more posts from my new site (badly named**) site ‘Phils two years to forty’
**Unfortunately all the good names seem to have gone!
This post talks about a mini nervous breakdown I had at work several years ago due to a huge amount of pressure. Without naming the employer I will just say that they like to Cooperate with the community and are ‘good for everybody’
A confession of sorts – (sorry for the long post)
OK, something I have only ever told a few people, and usually while drunk.
A few years ago in my old job working in a department store I had a ‘mini’ nervous breakdown. I say ‘mini’ as it wasn’t actually diagnosed but I know what happened and I rather stupidly just continued with my life.
We had been working on a store wide change over to bar coding for many months and during the final day before change over I had been given the relatively simple task (in theory) of creating bar codes for all the customer saves and lay-bys. Unfortunately while it should have taken a few hours at the most it was clear very early on that this two to three hour job was going to run to all day, at least eight, maybe ten hours.
This was mostly due to poor descriptions on products and incorrect pricing which introduced many errors.
While keeping management constantly updated with the issues and constant problems I faced it seemed to make no difference to the pressure they were piling on, though to those who fitted in and their ‘favourites’ seemed to be allowed to let dead lines slip. After a day form hell it came to break time and I thought they would let go, even just for a short while…..
Apparently for the ethical retailer which like to Cooperate with it’s shareholders and is ‘Good for everybody’ this doesn’t seem to apply to the staff!
While trying to work and catch up lost time as quickly as possible I had both local and senior management literally breathing down my neck asking how much longer it would take, then ignoring my explanation. They didn’t understand that descriptions such as Playmobil, Jigsaw or Boy were so vague as to be near useless!
Around 8 pm I was still being harassed as to how long the project would take, and once again after showing them the paper work, notes and other information I’d collected trying to make it all work I finally snapped.
All I remember is one moment being sat behind a computer, then a blank and finally in an office sat on the desk as I didn’t want the chair (!)
My manager gave me a lift home despite my constant protests about being able to walk home, it was less than half a mile after all and me arguing that I could be there in less than ten minutes, my sneaky plan was to stop in my favourite bar and drink ’til I rebooted. Though I didn’t want them to see me in that state.
At home I quickly regained my senses (in a fashion) and knew that drinking was the last thing I should do, so I put the kettle on for a large cup of tea. As I was out of milk I picked up the car keys and drove to the local shop, while there I gave in a brought a four pack of beer along with the milk, pizza, bread and other random items a person who isn’t really thinking straight buys.
Back home I started to empty my shopping bag and suddenly thought how stupid I’d been to drink drive to the shop. I hadn’t been drink driving, just my mind was still thinking that I wasn’t to get drunk in the pub. As I finally got rid of that thought I looked at the beer I’d just brought and again thought I’d been drinking and driving (I really hadn’t)
As I sat on the stairs leading to my bedroom I didn’t know what to think. Confusion reigning and the brain struggling to separate reality from fiction… I knew I hadn’t had anything stronger than a coffee but my mind was convinced otherwise.
Deciding to give up and go to bed ‘drunk’ but not. After what seemed like a good nights sleep I was woken to the sound of my flat mate walking in, so I went downstairs to say hello and see what the gossip about me was and also if I’d made a complete idiot of myself in the pub (which I didn’t visit and neither did he)
Even today about four years later I’m still not 100% sure of the details and on the odd occasion will still believe I stupidly drank and drove despite it being impossible.
Parts of this ‘mini breakdown’ stems form other events and the death of a friend by suicide which often plays on my mind during stressful events.
I hope this makes sense as I’ve written it as the facts come to me very late at night. I will post a continuation as time permits.